Or else a new chapter begins................

Its a cruel charisma of fantasy.This change from being a girl to a woman.Of resisiting that which never belonged to me.I cannot pacify the demons that still haunt my psyche.I cannot help but understand the painful critical self talk to the unreal personification of reality.This is insanity I know.But either I escape the charms of my mind or I escape the charms of routine.I revel in this sleeplike stage.This place where everything is nullified to the extremes of tremor.I have violated the very private spaces of thoughts or beliefs that one should never visit.I have broken the laws of being.Is it courage to my credit or is it just a foolish obesession.I will learn it but for now,life is no more what I still want.And it will turn out to oppose my expectations of how it should be.My emotions are truly exceeding my reality......................

Oui!!

I remember being a child now,
where I swallow the hallowing seas,
I laugh and breathe to bring shame
to fear the one that nears
the laudable pride of the dusk
I sleep in the whispers of passion,
I am longing once more
breathing the breath of fire
breathing your breath with ease
(smiles)

Home,Finally!

I just returned from an exhausting experience to revive and regain the supposedly anonymous self that I had lost over the years of coming to terms with the fact that I am Just ME!
I have been away from writing because I discovered that no amount of expression will help me till I get started on reaching the ultimate picture that I have been so long.I cant escape my doings.Good or bad.Everday assignments,life's trails,whether I have the strength or not.
I have plenty of work and travel to do.Plenty of expectations that I have to meet.More of myself than others.
Lets hope for the best.Wish me luck!!

Baisers voles

Being nothing,being clumsy and crappy and grouchy can help.You are all over the place and the place is out of order.Suddenly you cry and tell yourself"Its absolutely okay to mess up my life.Ofcourse its my life.I can hell do what I want to do with it"and then you cry a little more.It does help.When you run out of tears and run out of sympathy for self.You still lay in the corner thinking "God I am such a mess"
But then something just pops in your head that says"It is really your life"That is one annoying realisation and it does seem to bog you down even more.Hopeless.I am sometimes.But then I look at myself in the mirror,wear my kohl and I look absolutely fine.Nothing seems as out of order.Its all in the mind and how we manipulate it.Cant I get simpler?Cant I stop growing and understanding lifes complications.Peoples complications.Simplicity can help so much.It weaves into the hassles of life and brings light to all.Like unwinding a rough knot.A kiss,a hug, a gesture of gratitude they are never stolen.You never really run out of tears.And you never really run out of life!!

New days

I got up this morning with a smile.It wasnt really a surprise cause I knew this would be coming,but it was a relief.A feeling of trustworthiness,love,freedom and security.Like I could breathe without doubt and could believe without expectations.I love you alot my friends.Thankyou for the love that you surrounded me with.I am sorry that I couldnt notice it for all the wrong reasons.But I wont do the mistake again.

Disillusionment

When you seek acceptance from a wrong person,they often tend to lead you into the wrong path,making you believe things that are not true.They think they are the know it all,and often mislead you.But when you seek acceptance from a person who is honest about themselves,they will humbly tell you"Look this is what I know.What I can tell you is....."when they share their affirmations that is when things start to blossom.It is not always the fault of people who are dishonest.Its our fault that we dont have enough faith in ourselves.

Inspiration

Carrie Bradshaw(Sarah Jessica Parker)of Sex and the City always inspired me.I was amused by her boyfriends especially Big and the nature of relationship that popularises freedom.I somewhat practised this mentality successfully with the guys that entered my life.I was younger.I was seventeen eighteen and my idea of glamour was limited.I was lost.Lost in figuring out what brings me in proper frequency to the world rather than what brings the world to me.However as I look back,I ended up attracting all wrong people towards me.I laugh at it now,in the fear of giving into the same patterns again.But I have learned a lot from this weird dating experience.I realised that no matter what you think you are,the reality of yourself surfaces when you deal with people.There are alot of things about ourselves,that even though we think we know,we cannot comprehend.So we leave it at that,shut it off and never look at it again.I have faced alot of my fears while growing up.The most amusing lesson I have learned is to cut down on my boldness.To be gentle and calm.And to be scared,when I am scared.Its important that you treat yourself gently.Everyday.and that is how you will learn that what inspires you is you.I would still agree to the idea of freedom in a relationship.I would still not want anyone to rule me.Maybe I would cry for a hundered days for love,but I will wake up stronger each day.Trust me,the power of valuing and celebrating womanhood is excellent.I am still learning it.I still have a long way to go.But no more funny and creepy obsessive lovers anymore.I want to breathe.Literally.
I just enjoy being a woman.I love being a woman.As I said I have the power to feel.I have the power to be honest about it.